Thursday, January 31, 2013

What now?

I have four submissions floating about. There are two short stories that were written for anthologies, a  flash fiction piece for a magazine, and my first little book! I assumed there would be a feeling of relief after sending my work off, but I am finding myself in panic mode. My gosh, I am flipping the heck out, especially when I think about it RIGHT NOW!

For the most part, life is busy, so my worst times of anxiety occur once the kiddos are put to bed. I am left to myself with nothing to do. THAT is when I feel like I am going to cry my eyeballs out. But why?? What in the world is this funky feeling all about?

The waiting game feels like an audition. I spend tons of my time finding the perfect musical numbers or monologues to present, I rehearse until I can sing or recite my work in my sleep, I give my all on the stage (or I totally crash. Lol!), then I walk away wanting to chew my fingernails down. I know. I'm pretty silly.

Rejection hurts more than the waiting, really. Crazy, isn't it? I would rather keep waiting, because I at least know there is a bit of hope. Once there is the call or an email that delivers the bad news, I have to go in my corner and lick my wounds. Lol. Yes, yes. I am a BIG, emotional baby. It's ok, though. I don't mind being a softy. That's just who I am. Eventually I dust myself off and see what else I can get into. I guess I'll behave the same way when it comes to being an author. We'll just have to see.

In the meantime, I am enjoying the stage! Gigs make life worthwhile for me. I love watching everyone else around me have fun. That's what it is all about. So who knows? While I might be on edge about becoming published, I bet someone else is having their own struggles. If by chance that individual comes out and watches me perform, I hope to give him or her something to dance about for just a little while.  :-)



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